insomnivision: episode 1

so, i don't sleep very often. i don't know why. i guess if i did, i would be able to fix the problem and catch some zzz's. but alas, most nights (tonight being no exception) my brain refuses to shut off and i'm left lying in bed, perusing the internet for answers to questions that my 2 am brain asks. my 2 am brain doesn't want to know things that my daytime brain wants to know. instead, it wonders things such as, what ever happened to this? or is this ever happening?!?!?!? and then there are youtube and the hypemachine which are the two of the most mind-fucking-time-sucking websites ever made. sometimes i just don't know what to do. so, i figure, as long as i'm up, i might as well blog my brains out.

i've decided to share my insomnia in the form of the little gems i find out there on the internet. so, welcome to em's insomnivision! if you're up, i feel your pain. feel free to share your favorite ways to not sleep or even better, ways to get to sleep!

here's "episode 1," one of my favorite videos of all time, courtesy of the limousines. i mean, it's a catchy song, the lad singer reminds me of jared leto and there are zombies and confetti. what more could you ask for at 2:33 am on a wednesday? oh, that's right. sleep.

nitey nite!

RIP to my love mobile: an automotive eulogy

After 7 1/2 years, my trusty truck went to the great dealership in the sky last week. I know a car is a car, but I guess I got a little attached to the old iron horse. This car brought me across the country twice, from Jersey, to Phoenix, to Cleveland, allowing me to make several moves to experience new places.

You've been packed with coolers and camping equipment and overpacked with passengers on trips to phish festivals and weekend road trips. You've been my bedroom for a few nights and a steering wheel to cry on and an a recording booth to sing in. We've grown up together and logged miles of memories together. If I was the designated driver, then surely, you my carriage of safety for my passengers. I'm sad to see you go, sweet prince of tailgating, great guzzler of gas, mover of other people's furniture; it's because of you that my adventures were possible. Now you are off to help make dreams come true for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Thank you, car. Thank you.

if they can add an astrological sign, i can add a holiday: welcome to Mr. Frosty Day

*Seinfeld Voice*

What's the deal with the new astrological sign? I mean, did Dionne Warwick get bored of not doing psychic commercials or something.

I don't get it. First, they take away the tan M&M and replace it with the stupid blue one. I'm sorry, but the forsaken tan M&M will always be my favorite. Bring it back! Second, they announce that the brontosaurus isn't a brontosaurus anymore. Then, they say Pluto isn't a planet; they stripped the poor, little orb of it's "planetry" and now it's time to f@$k with the zodiac. What does it all mean? It means I'm not crazy.

This controversy over the new zodiac calendar makes me feel as though it is safe for me to announce my new holiday publicly. One summer night I was hanging out (read: drinking heavily) with friends and I somehow started thinking about Christmas. Santa, the reindeer, Baby Jesus - they are each a part of the winter holiday, but poor old Frosty the Snowman has no special celebration...until now!

After giving the matter a lot of thought, I decided to right the wrong and give Frosty his own holiday. With that, Mr. Frosty Day was born. What is Mr. Frosty Day, you ask? Ok, OKAY! I'll tell you. The following elements make Mr. Frosty Day:

1. It takes place on the FIRST day of snow accumulation (more than 1 inch of snow)

2. Depending on the severity of the snow storm, there may be a "Mr. Frosty Day Observed." This is because Mr. Frosty Day is meant to be a snow day with no work or school, so if the first snow accumulation isn't enough to shut down schools and businesses, then it is to be observed on the next available day with snow.

3. The holiday menu should feature frosty treats, such as ice cream, milkshakes, slushees, and the aptly named Frosty from Wendy's. Celebrants may pair these frozen delights with warm food such as soups, chili or stews as they see fit.

4. Frosty activities! Break out your sleds, skis, snowboards, and ice skates! Make snow angels, have a snowball fight! Enjoy the winter wonderland courtesy of the jolly snowman. DO NOT LICK ANY FROZEN, METAL SURFACES (or triple-dog dare anyone to)

5. Drink alcohol

6. Ideally, Mr. Frosty day would be celebrated in groups; the more, the merrier. Know a friend or neighbor who is snowed-in alone? Invite him over!

7. Drink more alcohol

8. Have warm, indoor activities planned so you may thaw out from the outdoor activities (movies, video games, karaoke, drinking alcohol)

9. Wear comfy, warm clothes. Footy Pajamas anyone?

10. Sing, "Frosty The Snowman" (once is mandatory...anymore is just festive enthusiasm)

It's a crime not to celebrate this jolly, happy soul

Like any holiday, feel free to start your own traditions and add your own "flava." My favorite aspect of Mr. Frosty Day is, unlike any other holiday, it's always a surprise! Christmas is always on December 25th, Thanksgiving is always the third Thursday in November, but Mr. Frosty Day is always a mystery. You wake up in the morning as BAM! It's there! (it is crucial to have supplies in anticipation of the day however as going to the store may not be an option). Additionally, Mr. Frosty Day happens in different places at different times. I could call a friend in Colorado to wish him a Happy Mr. Frosty Day, but he may have to wait weeks to return the sentiment. It's so simple, yet so complex, just like Frosty.

Well, there you have it: a new holiday, another reason to celebrate. If you're up in arms about the new astrological arrangement, just know there is something to look forward to. As for me, I don't put too much stock in the change and don't think it's anything to worry about. I think Frosty would agree. He'd probably just tell us all to chill out.