road rage etiquette: a lesson

I have ever used this here blog to rant about Cleveland drivers, but what happened to me the other day is one of the greatest moments of my life to date.  I was driving to work on I-90 West and was raining like crazy (the "can't see the car in front of you" kind of rain).  As my 10 year old car is literally falling apart, I opted to stay in the right lane so that I wouldn't kill myself and those around me if my treadless tires decided to give in to the slippery road. As I passed an on ramp, I noticed a landscaping truck entering the highway and trying to get over in to my lane as the lane he was in was an "exit only" lane.  Normally, I would move over to allow my fellow road warrior a place, but there was a car directly to my left traveling at exactly my same speed (another pet peeve of mine - you should always be traveling faster than the car to your right).  I look back to my right and the landscaping truck is merging into me and...GIVING ME THE FINGER! 

May I digress for a moment to say that giving the finger is so 90's.  I equate the hand gesture with the Arsenio Hall "woot! woot" hand crank.  When I looked out my passenger side window and saw this guy in a sleeveless  camouflage shirt flipping me the bird I was like, "Really Dude?"  I've been flicked off before, but this time I was hurt and pissed because this guy was blaming me for something that wasn't my fault.  I'm from Jersey; I don't take road rage lightly so I accepted this gentleman's middle digit as the challenge to a duel.  My weapon: the name of his company and phone number emblazoned on his door.  

The chase began.  I don't know that it can really be considered a chase as I slowed down to get his number, he slowed so that I couldn't.  Yep, the wizard realized what he had just done.  After slowing to 55 mph and finally pulling up along side him, I got the number off of his door and dialed.  Here is the conversation:

Wizard: "Yeah"

Me:  "Hi is this (company name)?" 

Wizard: "Yeah. Is this the girl in the Jersey truck?" (other wizard laughing in 

the background)

Me: (Laughing) "Indeed it is."

Wizard: "I was just trying to get over."

Me: "I noticed that and if there wasn't a car on my left, I would have moved over for 

you.  Maybe you should have slowed down."

Wizard:  "Oh, really? I didn't see that."

Me: "Yeah, well then you learned two things today. One: Don't give someone the finger 

when your company's name and phone number is all over your vehicle and two: if you 

mess with a Jersey girl, she's going to retaliate."

Wizard: "Ha! Ok thanks. Have a great day."

                                                Me: "You too."

 I hung up feeling all warm and fuzzy on the inside.  I can't tell you how triumphant I felt after that conversation! I mean, can you imagine how great it would be to know the phone number of every a-hole on the road? It would be amazing! "Excuse me, you cut me off a quarter of a mile back and I just wanted you to know  that's a reckless way to operate your vehicle on the road." Click.  Killing people with kindness is the new middle finger everyone.  Now go out there and use your road manners! 

See? There are times it's less than intelligent to give the finger

will blog for food

So, I know we're in tough times and in a city hit particularly hard by these tough times, but I still decided to add a paypal widget to my blog.  I haven't decided if this makes me a total dirtbag or just sad and desperate (i'm more comfortable with the later).  Anyway, working 2 jobs still isn't quite cutting the mustard. By cutting the mustard I mean I would like to be able to break even every month.  

I'm not looking to make money off of my blog, as I am waiting for someone to discover it and offer me a great writing gig/book deal.  I have a great idea for a teenage romance between a human and a vampire; I think it will really sell.  No seriously, just wait, I think vampire is going to be the new "it" genre.  I might even try to sell my idea to HBO so they can make a show with a similar premise.  I digress.  All I really hope to do is pay off my computer, the vessel of my writing and this blog.  The next time you are cleaning behind the couch cushions or vacuuming  your car and find some loose (crud covered) change, GIVE IT TO ME!!!!!

I should also say that I am willing and able to do chores for money.  These include but are not limited to:

• Cleaning your house
• Washing your car
• Walking your dog/taking car of your pet
• Fanning you and feeding you grapes 
• Painting
• Baby-sitting
• Breaking up with your significant other
• Weeding through "friends" on myspace, facebook...that need to be cast aside
• Selling your stuff on ebay
• Being your designated driver  

My little refugee baby peers over the screen as if to say, "You can sponsor us for pennies a day."

eye spy with my cleveland eye #3

I know you've seen the last two and figured them all out, so here is installment #3...

1.

Anyone know where to find this "nauti" lady?  

2.

Have you ever had the pleasure of visiting this place? It's pretty sweet!

3.

I mean, it's a rendering of a caveman clubbing a t-rex next to a political billboard with a cartoon of Obama pointing a rifle at Lady Liberty.  I figured I had hit the proverbial "eye spy" jackpot.  I now realize the funcition of crazy people in the world.

4.

    I have yet to make it to one of these events.  I hear them bright and early every Saturday morning though (pillow over head)! Does this look familiar? I think it's a tricky one.

5.

It takes some patience, but with some determined digging you can walk away with some real treasures.

I know you're all chomping at the bit to submit your own "eye spy" gems.  Email me! OK, now I'm off to read my latest issue of Ranger Rick.

the caper is a cheapskate

Working on a very limited budget isn't always easy.  I am the (self-proclaimed) Queen of Not Paying Full Price. As I have a pretty sick expensive handbag fetish, ebay is my bitch.  Actually, I think it could be argues that I am ebay's bitch, but whatevs.  My point is that I am such a smart shopper I am able to get many of the things I want and need at a killer discount.  Since moving to this fair hamlet I have made some great discoveries as far as discounted goods and services are concerned and wanted to share some ways to save money here in Cleveland:

Need a haircut? Check out one of the Brown's Aveda Institutes:  There is one Rocky River and one in Mentor.  I would recommend just going for a single service unless you want to spend the day there.  The students always do a great job, but as it is a school it takes a while so don't forget your life & style and snack.  I got an awesome haircut for $13; you should try it out.  Already have a stylist? Go to the institute for a great full body massage.

Like to read? I suggest hitting up one of the Half-Price Books locations in the area.  It's a great place to find great books at a highly discounted price.  You can also sell/trade your books in too, although the return isn't great so I would sell them on amazon instead.

If you are like me, then you go to the movies for the salty, buttery popcorn.  Miss a movie when it came out in the theaters?  The Detroit Theater  in Lakewood is a great place for a little cheap entertainment.

You know what's crazy? I used to pay $80 for a freakin' oil change.  Not since moving to Cleveland! I get lubed for less ($4.95) at Ganley Ford West.  Not only are they cheap, but they have great customer service and get everything done quickly.

Want to have a little excursion?  If you are a resident of Cuyahoga County then bring a proof of address to The Cleveland Metroparks Zoo on Mondays and you get in free! 

Do you have any ways to enjoy Cleveland on the cheap? Share the knowledge!

a berry interesting weekend

I know how she feels.

I have had a very busy weekend.  Some of my fun will be captured in this coming week's "eye spy" post, but i wanted to share a little of the fun before i finish my margarita and hit the hay.  This weekend, the boyf's brother was visiting so we planned a few mini-adventures including today's trip to pick blueberries.  I'm not going to mention the name of the place because the crotchety, old proprietor was a total a-hole to us and I can't in good conscience endorse anyone else going there.  Anyway, a-pickin' we did go, but not before I sat through the scariest car ride of my life! Seriously, el broheme drives like a maniac.  I now know how Al Cowlings felt in the Bronco with OJ.  I will not be getting back in his car any time soon.  

Once we arrived at the berry farm we got our buckets and concurred that the experience would indeed be a competition and set off to different parts of the farm.  As I am a seasoned berry picker, I got right to work harvesting the fruit that others had overlooked.  Shortly after I started to fill my bucket, this older guy in the row next to me peered over a blueberry bush and said, "I keep mistaking you for a blueberry. (Can you hear my self-esteem plummeting?) You're shirt makes you look like a blueberry." (I was wearing a purple shirt).  Shit.  What's up with the insults lately? I AM NOT A BLUEBERRY!!!!!  Oh, that's another blog post altogether.  The point is, get off 'cho ass and pick some berries, yo!  Rosby's Berry Farm in Brooklyn Heights is a great place to pick Raspberries. Berry picking is a great summer activity and the baking possibilities are endless!!!!!  

Pictured above are actual blueberries (not to be confused with human beings).  These are the "fruits" of my labor.  I apologize for my hi-larious wit:)

i spy with my cleveland eye #2

Week # 2! And awaaaaay we go!

1.

This is the talented and tender Don Dixon (you can read about him and our night on this blog written by a dude who needs new headphones).  It was a pleasure to meet him and he is the first man to ever make me swoon.  Seriously ladies, I swooned when he kissed the back of my hand. Um, guys? Can we please bring hand kissing back? It's amazing.

2.

Does this look familiar? This was my first visit after my college roommates surprised me from Brooklyn (ny not oh) and we went antiquing.  I will definitely be back! Want extra credit? Tell me what's missing in this picture. 

3.

Recognize this face? Her charity's posters are all over the city.  Her story is heartbreaking, but her family raises money through this foundation to help prevent other children before it's too late.  I had the pleasure of volunteering at this year's fundraiser.  It's an amazing local cause.  Check it out!

4.

MMMMM! This should be easy.  Do you know what it is and where it's from?

5. Um, my 5th picture didn't really turn out so well...

Do you have a Cleveland eye with which you spy? email me 5 photos will descriptions/clues and I will post them here.  

did you have a happy 4th?

I did. Well, first I worked and then I had a happy 4th.  One of my friends from the restaurant invited all of us over for a BBQ.  Her husband is a chef so I was very excited to attend.  We drank beer and sangria and had a great time.  The fireworks in the distance were bittersweet, as I am obsessed with them.  Driving home we saw so many young kids lighting fireworks in the street.  Um, hello parents? Anyway, we got home around 11 and I was ready for bed.  My hillbilly neighbors had different plans.  Evidently, what they don't spend on shirts and house repairs they spend on illegal, low-grade fireworks.

 

The remains of the day

i spy with my cleveland eye #1

So, I've decided I need to make my blog about Cleveland a little more about Cleveland. I hereby declare Fridays to be "I Spy" days.  Every Friday I will post 5 snapshots of things I've seen that week in the greater Cleveland area.   I will explain some and then leave some unexplained so people can guess what they are.  Who know's maybe there will be prizes involved? (pause for uncontrollable giddiness).  It is my hope that others will want to get involved and send me 5 snapshots of their own.  Traveling? Don't live in Cleveland? Awesome.  Send me pics of what you spy in another city/state/country/planet.  Here goes!

1. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this bad boy driving over the Veterans Memorial Bridge.  Then again, I still can't believe Clevelanders play a game called "Cornhole." In Jersey, if you say you're playing cornhole, it means something veeeeeery different.  Shout out to Mel and her blog with this penile innuendo.

2. Look familiar? If it doesn't you are sooooo missing out! It's Pistachio Encrusted Grouper with Jicama slaw (not pictured) and sweet mash from ???????

3. Just one of the most B E A U T I F U L  sunsets I've seen in Cleveland.  This pic was taken on I-90 just outside of downtown

4. Any "fresh thoughts" about where this was taken?

5. This should be easy.  Perhaps you were there?