Caper's Criticism #1

Dear Cleveland Drivers,

I know this comes a few days late, but I needed time to cool off so I wouldn't write things I didn't mean. Let's talk about driving in the winter time. As natives, I am sure you have adapted to traveling in inclement weather, but as I rove the highways and byways of this city, it is my observation that you may have only adapted in mind and not body. Driving in slippery, icy, snowy, wet conditions means that you have to change some of your behaviors. Last time I checked, 4-wheel drive was not a standard option on most American made sedans/coupes so you might want to consider driving a little slower. I mean have you ever seen a Dodge Neon or Chevy Cobalt in a collision?! It's like a recycled soda can. Seriously, SLOW DOWN! Honestly, I don't care what happens to you, but I would be pissed if when your shitbox spun out of control, I died as a result. Also, I know (at least on the west side) the roads are wide enough for two cars to barely drive next to one another. Evidently, the city sees no reason to paint lines to denote separate lanes. It's as though the roads were designed by the kindergarten teacher who wants us to be expressive and "do what we feel." I find it "funny" that the drivers here are empowered to decide how many lanes of traffic there are. I would also like to address passing on the right. I'm from Jersey, we invented it! It's a dick thing to do, and while I recognize that it is sometimes unavoidable (due to the jackholes that don't realize that if people are passing you on the right YOU'RE NOT DRIVING FAST ENOUGH!!!) it is absolutely unacceptable to due when the roads are covered in snow. Please try to be a little more careful out there on the roads. I'll be watching you...and most likely giving you the finger.

Love,
The Caper

P.S. Could you guys also start using your blinkers? By this I mean, when I am behind you at a traffic light and you plan on turning, could you indicate your intentions early enough for me to get out from behind you and make the light? That would be greaaaaaaaaat! Also, please remember to put a cover on all of your TPS reports.